Transition
by Mizar
Summary: This is an interpretation of what might have happened had Buffy joined Angel's battle with Wolfram & Hart and how the gang, specifically Spike and Buffy deal with a crisis.


Transition by Mizar

This is my interpretation of what might have transpired had Buffy engaged with Angel in his final battle with Wolfram & Hart and what outcome might be produced.

I'd rate it T-teen. Buffy/Spike interaction in a major way.

"_Previously, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer."_

The end of Sunnydale had come as no surprise to them. Deep down, they all knew the town was cursed, being located on the Hellmouth and all, and they knew something dramatic would end up happening to it. 'Course, they didn't exactly think it would be swallowed up by the Earth once they'd defeated the First's vampire army.

Unfortunately or fortunately (Giles pointed out the ambiguity) Willow's spell had been transitory. All women who had become slayers didn't stay slayers. Giles presumed it had something to do with a cosmic balance that was too strong to overcome.

Xander was heartbroken, Anya had been lost. Though they'd never officially gotten back together, they'd never really completely lost off their feelings for each other. But perhaps it was Buffy who suffered the most. Around the time of the middle of their war with the First, she'd admitted to herself (if not anyone else) that she was still in love with Spike. She'd gotten past all the baggage about it being in her self-destructive nature to love him, mostly because he was no longer what he was before he got the soul. Now, he was "a good man" whom she could proclaim she loved without fear of recrimination.

Except from Xander perhaps. And Giles. She'd even slipped up once while she and Willow discussed her possibly hooking up with Principal Wood;

_Buffy: (on hooking up with Wood) _You know what? Yeah, I mean I think I like him. And he'd be good for me.

_Willow_: "Right, help you move on"

_Buffy: (Exasperatedly) _Why does everybody in this house think I'm still in love with Spike?

The moment she'd said it, she'd felt the need to qualify what she'd said, as if admitting this would somehow be as shameful as it would have been prior to Spike's having a soul. But she didn't. She knew she loved him, but she was afraid that opening that up for all to see (not the least of whom, Spike) would lead to badness. Buffy had always been a pessimist, "from bitter experience," she'd rationalized to herself. Spike (prior to his soul-having) characterized it as being "addicted to the misery." He'd admonished Buffy to, "Let yourself live."

At the moment she understood he would die, at the height of the battle against the vampire army, she'd permitted herself to tell him she loved him. He'd pretended like she'd meant it as a courtesy, "Thanks for giving your life to save the World" kind of thing, but she'd really meant it. He had attained the level of humanity she needed to be able to admit it to him and herself. Then he was gone.

They'd celebrated that night, their victory over the First, but Buffy had begged off early, going to bed, and had buried her face in her pillow so they wouldn't hear her crying.

After the conflagration, the destruction of Sunnydale, Buffy, Dawn, Giles, Willow, Xander, Andrew and Kennedy had stayed in a hotel in L.A. (on Gile's dime) until the insurance came through from Buffy's destroyed home, at which point they'd moved into a new house. The other girls had gone home, some to relatives. Kennedy stayed with Willow, enrolling in the same university. Giles went back to Britain to work on restoration of the Council (much to Buffy's chagrin), Faith and Andrew went with him (much to Gile's chagrin) and Xander quickly got a job running a small contracting firm. Dawn went back to school, Wood became principal of Dawn's high school (he basically had his choice of jobs, since he was considered a jewel in the educational administration crown) and all seemed well enough.

Buffy had visited Angel across town to tell him what transpired in Sunndale a couple days after the event. Angel had (much to Buffy's dismay) taken over the reigns of a multinational company run by some evil conglomerate called Wolfram & Hart, ostensibly Buffy was told, to turn it around from being evil and use it as a force for good. She was sceptical of that to say the least. She'd considered joining him, but when she'd called him a couple weeks later to broach the subject, something stopped her. Something about the way he sounded. Angel was a poor liar.

In any event, the next day Giles had called to tell her he needed to see her in Britain but didn't elaborate. When she arrived there, he'd shown her the new headquarters for the Watcher's Council. Buffy still had trepidations about being anywhere near the place because of her past experiences with the Council, but these were new people (Giles assured her) with a new agenda, to keep the monsters of the world under better control. They'd begun work scouring the planet for as many references to the supernatural as possible, to replace what had been destroyed. They would all eventually be digitized and stored in multiple formats but Giles insisted they also have good old books around in a main library.

Then Giles told her the reason he'd wanted her to come. They had decided to _pay_ her and Faith for their work. Buffy was shocked, it was unprecedented. They'd be paid about what an MI-5 (British Security Service, akin to the U.S.'s FBI) agent was, around $65,000. Not a huge amount, but it would be comfortable for her and Dawn. After all Dawn had been through, Buffy wanted to spoil her a bit. But not too much. At first, Buffy felt somewhat guilty, like it was "charging" for her services, services she'd always been secretly proud of doing. She was the Chosen One, after all. Faith was elated, mostly because she could move out of the hotel she'd been living in since she got to Britain with Giles. Andrew was made a consultant researcher with the Council. And he lived the part.

Buffy went back to L.A., Faith stayed in Britain. Buffy wished Giles would come back to the U.S., mostly because she, Dawn, Willow and Xander would still keep the gang going, fighting evil. So back in L.A. and they would sorely miss his guidance.

During the next few months, Buffy had a small string of boyfriends, none serious, none lasting more than a month. When she'd break it off, she'd brood. Dawn knew why, but she never spoke to her about it, except once. During the talk, Buffy had flashed back to another conversation she'd had with Dawn.

Dawn: "Do you love him?" (Spike)

Buffy: "No. I _feel_ for him."

But Buffy had loved him. She still did, even though he was gone...She couldn't shake it. Sometimes, she felt angry, like she'd been robbed of something she'd never be able to replace. To placate her feelings of rage, she'd go out and dust half a dozen vampires, if she found them. Her relationship with Spike had gone way beyond the carnal lust she'd felt long ago. They had been (despite how trite it sounded) soul mates. They could read each other without speaking and he was the only one (even when he was still evil) who could really make her laugh, but she'd kept him away, distant, like she did with everyone.

Long ago, Spike had said, "There's something between us." At the time, she'd angrily brushed off the suggestion (given the circumstances of their relationship back then) but it nagged her.

She'd even secretly liked it when he'd been "chipped" because she and he got to play the teasing banter but without the life and death, slayer-vampire struggle nature had intended they be constantly engaged in.

It had been almost 12 months since the demise of Sunnydale. Things were going well, then she got the message. Giles and the Coven had called Willow. They'd told her that Angel was in trouble, that something big was coming down. Angel's final showdown with Wolfram & Hart had arrived. The night of the battle, Buffy, Willow, Xander and Kennedy came in behind demon attackers in the alley as Angel and the remainder of his crew faced down the minions of the enraged senior partners of Wolfram & Hart. Together, they beat them back, until the remnants simply began to flee.

Buffy was pummelling one demon, (in the fray she couldn't see the other people) and she slugged the demon as hard as she could, sending him into a wayward piece of an old drain pipe, impaling him and killing him on the spot. The two large demons that had been behind Buffy decided to "live to fight another day" and ran away. Spike had just broken the neck of a demon and he staggered backwards, his back and Buffy's touched. They both spun around to face what they thought was the enemy. The remnants of the demons had begun to flee.

In the dark and pouring rain, Buffy wasn't sure she was seeing what she was. Spike was sure though.

Buffy: "S-spike?" She asked incredulously.

Spike: "Buffy," he said, not knowing how to react, feeling excited but wary.

Buffy: (in almost a whisper) "H-how, how are you...here?" She reached up to touch his face. She couldn't believe this was happening, nothing was in focus but his face.

Spike: He slowly moved his head from side to side. "I wanted to call, but..."

Buffy: "You wanted to c-? How long have you been..?" She trailed off, in shock.

Angel and the rest were standing in a group, staring at the two.

Ilyria: "Who is she? She fought well. (looking at Angel and the others) Better than the rest of you." She looked at Angel.

Angel: "Oh boy..." He knew how explosive the situation was. "She's Buffy, she's the Slayer."

Ilyria: "She looks like she might hurt the halfbreed."

Angel: "I'd say that's a distinct possibility."

Willow: "Angel, what's going on, how did Spike...?" She was wide-eyed. Xander looked annoyed.

Xander: "OK look, he's back. Why am I not surprised?"

Willow: "Xander!" Willow shivered. Angel put his coat around her. Kennedy looked at Angel.

Angel: "Oh!" He offered Kennedy his hand. "Angel"

Kennedy shook it. "Kennedy."

Gunn let out a pain-induced groan. He'd been hurt in the side.

Angel: "We have to get Gunn to a hospital."

Willow: "Angel, you and the girl with the...(she looked at Illyria for the first time, Ilyria cocked her head at Willow) purple hair go, we'll stay here.."

Angel, Ilyria and Gunn made their way back toward Angel's car.

Willow, Dawn, Xander looked on at Spike and Buffy. The rain was still falling.

Spike: "I...reappeared 19 days after Sunnydale." (He winced a bit upon saying it)

Buffy: "Nineteen days..." She lowered her head.

When she raised it, her face was covered with a mixture of sorrow, tears and rain. He'd been back for all this time, and hadn't contacted her.

Buffy: "How could you do this to me?"

Spike: He reached out to her, taking her by the shoulders. "Buffy, I'm sorry. When I got back, the shock of it, I wasn't even...human, I mean, I wanted to see you, go to you, but I couldn't, and even if I'd been able..."

Buffy: She slowly moved backwards out of his hold. "No, no, no, no..." She turned and ran. Very fast.

Spike: "BUFFY!!"

Xander, Dawn, Kennedy and Willow ran up to him, Spike went to run after Buffy.

Willow: "Tesisay!" Spike was held in magical barrier field.

Spike: "Willow, what are you doing?!" He demanded.

Willow: "Let her go, we'll drive back, you'll never catch her anyway."

Spike: "But...!" He relented.

They drove back, Spike situated between Dawn and Kennedy in the back seat, Xander driving and Willow in the passenger seat. Spike was terrified what might happen to Buffy in the state she was in.

Willow turned to face him.

Willow: "Spike, what happened?"

Spike: "What, you mean me?"

Xander: "No, Amelia Earhart." He said snarkily.

Spike glared at the back of his head.

Spike: Sighs heavily. "19 days after Sunnydale imploded, I re-materialized in Captain Forehead's office at Wolfram & Hart. Angel's bosses had my essence locked in a crystal."

Willow: "Like that troll that time?"

Spike: "Yeah, like the troll."

Willow: "So you came back...and you didn't want to contact Buffy?" Incredulous.

Spike: "I did, but I thought, if I came back after going out in a blaze of glory, she'd-"

Willow: "-not care about you any more?" Willow finished.

Spike: "Yeah." He said with resignation.

Dawn: "Oh-my-God."

Willow: "You know, for someone who was always good at reading people, you really screwed this up. Do you know how much what happened hurt her?"

Spike looked like he was just beginning to realize how much he'd misjudged the situation, from the last seconds on the Hellmouth to now. She did love him. What was he going to do to fix this?

Spike: "I'm sorry." To everyone.

Willow: "Don't worry about us, worry about her. BTW, who was the girl with the purple hair?"

Spike: "Ilyria. Former god." He was thinking about Buffy, was she in any danger?

Willow: "Like Glory?"

Spike: "Way beyond Glory and highly dangerous. But we tamed her. More or less."

Willow considered this.

Spike: Agitated. "Look, I think we should be looking for her!"

Willow: "She'll be OK, it's not like this hasn't happened before."

Spike: "Huh?" Not understanding.

Xander: "That some big, dumb jerk has hurt her."

Spike let it ride. He deserved it.

They got to the house, it was larger than Buffy's Sunnydale place. They all sat down in the living room adjacent the front hall and waited. Spike got up and paced. Willow offered him some blood, they'd interrogated a vampire a few weeks back and had some in the fridge. He declined the blood but took a large brandy to calm him down.

About 2 hours later, Buffy came home. Spike was frantic, but when Buffy arrived, Willow gave him a stern, "calm down" look. He complied.

Buffy stood in the hall, not looking into the living room, soaking wet from the rain and shivering. Spike wanted to run to her, but Willow put a hand on his arm to stop him. Dawn walked up to her.

Dawn: "Buffy?"

Buffy: In a small voice. "I just want to go to bed. I'm tired." She proceeded up the stairs.

Dawn looked back at Willow, then followed Buffy.

Willow kept Spike still.

Willow: "Spike, just let her go to sleep, wait till morning. We have a spare room in the basement, the windows have heavy drapes so you'll be OK, no sun."

Spike looked longingly at the stairs Buffy had just ascended but didn't argue, he followed Willow downstairs. Willow settled him in.

Willow: "I'll be down in the morning and check on you."

Spike: "Don't bother on my account."

Willow: "It's no bother and I'm glad you're back, if you were wondering."

Spike: Spike looked at her and half-smiled. "Thank you." Willow smiled and closed the door.

Spike: "Willow!" She opened the door. "Yeah?"  
Spike: "Make sure she's OK, will you?"  
Willow: "I will."

Dawn helped Buffy get out of her wet clothes, towelled her dry(ish) and Buffy got into bed. Dawn pulled the sheets up over her and Buffy hugged them to her.

Buffy lay on her side staring at the wall of the room.

Dawn: "Don't worry, things'll be better tomorrow, I promise." She bent down. "And I love you." Kissed Buffy softly on the cheek and turned out the light and left. Buffy was too emotionally exhausted to think and she drifted off.

Dawn was in the hall and Willow asked how Buffy was.

Dawn: "Well, Spike's back." That was pretty much the answer. "She'll be OK"

Dawn told Willow goodnight. They were all exhausted.

Willow and Kennedy got ready for bed, Willow's cell, on vibrate, rang on the dresser. She quietly answered it. It was Angel asking about Buffy. Willow told him she was OK, he seemed relieved, Willow asked how Gunn was. He was going to be OK, they said their good-nights.

Buffy woke with a start around 3:00a.m. Dreams had finally jolted her awake. She went to the bathroom adjacent her room and splashed water on her face and looked into the mirror. Her head swam with a myriad of thoughts and her leg hurt, one of the demons hit her hard she figured. During the fight it was such a me-lee she couldn't remember the exact chain of events. She only knew they'd won. So much for the demise of Sunnydale being the be-all, end-all battle.

Then she'd bumped into Spike. Sadness, excitement, anger, all jumbled together in that moment. And disappointment.

She crept downstairs because she knew Spike would be in the room in the basement. The house they had was large, five upstairs bedrooms, twoa baths, generous kitchen, living room, a den, another "sort of living room" and a large basement that had two spare bedrooms in it.

The door was closed on the north room which is where Buffy figured Spike was. She carefully opened the door to it. Faintly, she could see Spike, he was in bed, his eyes closed. No breathing, because he didn't breath, but he was asleep. There was a white-noise thingee on the night table. Probably Xander's.

It emitted a noise like soft static on an old AM radio. Or the TV channel when it went off the air for the night. Not that many still did. It was supposed to drown out extraneous sounds so the sleeper could fall asleep more easily. Buffy wasn't sure if the theory was right or not, she'd never used one. Maybe she should? She'd never slept very well anyway.

She settled in to a chair near the bed, her eyesight pretty much dark-adapted. Slayers had slightly better night vision than normal people. Her pupils opened up to almost 9mm in the dark and she produced more of the chemical, "visual purple" than regular people. She could see Spike reasonably well now. She sat looking at him, not quite knowing how she would handle this. She'd made a poor start, but he owed her an explanation for this.

Recent memories flooded back. Just prior to the final battle, she'd slept with Spike platonically, twice. It had felt so good, so comfortable being back in his arms. He'd infused her with strength, for a few hours she felt safe and happy. No slayer duties, just the comfort of laying there with him. But she knew that the old feelings were there, the desire that lead to the animosity of their sexual relationship was still there. She was the Slayer, it was part of her nature she knew and she'd accepted it, after years of feelings of guilt, of trying to live within the emotional confines of a normal, human relationship wasn't for her.

Buffy: "Well, lets get this over with," she thought to herself and kicked the bed rail with her foot.

Nothing. She'd forgotten how he could sleep. She reached out and touched his shoulder, nudging it with her foot. Nothing. Carefully, she got out of the chair and pulled up one of his eyelids. Her nervousness was making her slightly giddy, light-headed. He seemed to stare at her, but he wasn't awake. So she leaned down and said in a normal voice:

"Wake up!"

Spike snapped awake, bolting upright in the bed. He twisted around to see a shape in the chair next to him. He was about to take a kick at it when he realized whose shape it was. His vision was starting to adapt to the dark. As a vampire he had enhanced night vision as well.

"Buffy?"

Buffy: "How long?"

By this time, Spike was awake, wide awake. He pushed himself up with his back to the headboard of the bed.

Spike: "I, uh.."

He could see she was dead serious. Not a good idea to put a Slayer in such a mood.

He reached over an turned on the night table lamp. It snapped on, not very bright, but enough so they could now clearly see each other. Buffy winced a bit at the sudden brightness.

Spike: "Buffy...I know, what I mean is that..."

Buffy: "Spike..."

Spike realized the time for hemming and hawing was over. Time to fess up. To try to fix this, another problem he'd created.

Spike: "19 days after I, after the battle (she knew what he meant) Angel got a package at Wolfram & Hart. He opened it and the necklace you gave me fell out onto the ground and I...was reconstituted out of it."

Buffy: "Like Anya's troll?"

Spike: He sighed. "Yeah, but more dramatic. The reverse of what happened to me in the underground"

Buffy: "So you've been back for almost a year and you didn't even think I was worth a phone call?" He could see she was getting agitated.

Buffy: "Why?" She answered in a voice quavering just a little. She stood up.

Spike: "Is she going to hit me?" He thought. He sat up on the edge of the bed. She was looking down at him, her arms crossed defensively.

Spike: "Buffy, when I went out, I thought, this was it, I was the pinnacle of what I could become to you, I figured what better time...go out with a bang. Then I'm back. How could I come crawling back to you then?"

Buffy: "So your ego figured that this was the best thing to do, to remain anonymous when you came back because I'd remember you as some kind of destiny-bound superhero, without the slightest THOUGHT of what losing you would do to me??!" Her voice was shakey.

She looked at him, tearing up. "I can't believe you!" She turned to go, but didn't run. He stood up quickly, came up behind her and carefully put his hands on her shoulders, her back was too him. She trembled. He tilted his head forward and lay his forehead on the back of her shoulder.

Spike: "Buffy. I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd still want me if I came back after having gone out like that. I thought I was done, finished. Gone out in a blaze of glory and I thought, that was the best way for Buffy to remember me. How can I live up to that now I'm back? "Better than, oops! False alarm, I'm back to make you miserable again."

Spike: "Please forgive me." She didn't say anything at first. Then she turned to face him. Her face was tear-stained.

Buffy: "When I said I loved you, I meant it. Get it through your head. I wasn't a question of you impressing me to the point where I'd want you, I've always wanted you, or nearly always. Even when I ended our...affair. You once told me I was all you could think about. Well ditto!

Spike: "Are you sure?" Wrong answer.

Buffy's expression changed and she drew back and slugged him on the chin, flipping him backward onto the bed. She lept forward and landed straddling his chest.

Spike: "She does love me. Bloody Hell!" He thought. His expression was one of joy, mixed with fear. She looked down on him, having been ready to apply more physical punishment, but she softened, realizing that they'd reached a breakthrough that had been years in coming.

She sank down onto his bare chest, crying slightly, her tears hitting his skin. He felt the heat of her body. He loved the feel, one he'd been kept from for more than a year., Then he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. They stayed that way for a while.

She rose up, smiling through the tears which by now were ebbing. Then she looked down at the pyjama pants he was wearing and started to giggle. They had pictures of teddy bears on them.

Spike: "Oh, I...found them in a drawer here." He self-consciously looked at the legs.

Buffy: "I think they're Xander's!" She was still giggling.

Spike: "Where did you get those?" Buffy was wearing a pair of velvet maroon ones.

Buffy: "Xander gave them to me for my birthday." I wear them out of duty to his thoughtfulness.

Spike put his hands on her thighs. "Doesn't matter, it's what's underneath that counts..."

Buffy felt a pang of nostalgia coming on.

Buffy: "Tell me you love me."

Spike: "I love you."

Buffy: "Tell me you want me."

Spike: "I always want you."

She lowered herself and kissed him passionately, immersing herself in him. He returned the kiss with equal fervour and soon they were making love, as energetically as when they'd been together before the soul, but less violently. When the first peak came, she felt (in addition to a massive surge of pleasure) a sense of safeness and comfort she'd been denied since she broke up with him. She fought the urge to scream, biting him on the shoulder, which hurt, but he took it. Two hours later, they came up for air. Well, she did anyway. He didn't need air.

She lay on top of him, breathing heavily, lank. His face was covered with her hair. He breathed in, loving her scent, rubbing his hands from her buttocks to her lower back. She shivered as he did this, they weren't done yet.

Buffy: "Whatever happens, we stay together. I'm sick of being alone."

Spike: "At the moment, we're as together as we can be." He said salaciously and smiled.

Buffy: She giggled and ground into him. "Oh yeah."

After one more round, they lay back.

Buffy: "So, what was working with Angel like?"

Spike: "A laugh riot. Wolfram & Hart was like Disneyland and he was the head clown."

Buffy frowned at him. "I'd like you two to get along, now were in the same city and all."

Spike: "You needn't have reminded me." He said in jest.

Spike: "I mean it was pretty good. When were weren't trying to kill one another, we did some good things.

Buffy: "Like royally pissing off Wolfram & Hart and their demon hoards?"

Spike: "That was the finale to the show."

Buffy: "So what is Angel going to do now, do you think?"

For a split second, he felt a twinge of jealousy, but dismissed it. Angel was a friend and she wanted to know what was going to happen.

Spike: "I reckon he's going to start up his detective agency again. I think he liked cultivating that Mike Hammer persona."

Buffy: "I'm glad, he'll have something to keep up his end of the fight."

Spike: "It'll never end."

Buffy: She thought about this for a second, then said, "No, it never will."

Spike: "Tell Giles, the wanker, we could have used his help a few months ago."

Buffy: "I know." Buffy said by way of apology. "The entire Council was gone, he's been knee-deep rebuilding."

Spike: "Including hiring Andrew on there?"

Buffy: "He's in his element now. Plus, it'll keep him on the straight and narrow, I hope."

Buffy: "Didn't you have a girl named Fred working for you?"

Spike: He looked serious. "Fred's gone. She was taken over by the one you saw at the fight."

Buffy: "Which one?"

Spike: "The blue-haired girl. That one's Ilyria. Ex-God. She co-opted Fred's body. Fred is gone."

Buffy: "I'm sorry, Willow said she seemed nice."

Spike: "She was. Nice, smart and fearless."

Spike: "Ilyria on the other hand is a work in progress. When we first met up with her, she was powerful. Beyond your Glory. But, the human shell (he winced thinking of Fred this way) couldn't contain her power so rather than let Los Angeles go up in a ball of fire like it had been hit with a nuke we de-powered her."

Buffy: "So she's an ally now?"  
Spike: "More or less. I think she still sees us as bugs."

Buffy: "Lets hope she doesn't think like an exterminator."

Spike: "I held her pretty good in a fight." He lied.

Buffy thought, "sparring partner?"

Buffy: "You sound like you admire her." Meaning: You sound like you like her.

Spike discerned her jealousy and said, "Not a bit of it. But she did come in handy. In the fight, I mean," He quickly qualified.

Buffy: "Oh." She lifted up his hand and kissed it. He reached up and cupped her hand with both his.

Buffy: "How do you like this room?"

Spike: He knew what she was asking. "Better than spending the days and nights under Angel's roof."

Buffy: "We have to tell the others."

Spike: "That should go well."

She smiled somewhat sadly at him.

Spike: "What?"

Buffy: "All these years we've known each other, the time we wasted, fighting each other. I think if I'd had you then, things would have been better."

Spike: "I was monster and a fool. He looked into her eyes. But despite the blood lust, I fell in love with you. You saved me from myself."

She rolled off him, he assumed a mock pouting expression and she laughed, shifting to lay next to him.

Buffy, revelling in this renewed closeness asked him how it happened, when he fell in love with her. She lay her head against his chest.

Spike: "I'd just gotten my ass kicked by you for the umpteenth time, when I borrowed the doc from you and Captain Cardboard, er, Riley. I wanted to be de-chipped, you remember?"

Buffy: "Oh yeah." She thought back. "You do know that you had me, right?"

Spike looked at her. "Had you?"

Buffy: "Yes...you'd gotten the upper hand, I was done. You won."

Spike: He considered this. "Thank God the chip went off, talk about throwing water on the coals. You know I wouldn't have killed you, don't you? I would have turned you."

Buffy's mind flashed back, before all that.

Buffy: "You know I was turned once?"

Spike was shocked. "What?!"

Buffy: "I was a vampire, for a very short time. Because of a spell."

Spike: "Bloody Hell!"

Buffy: "No," she smiled, "I didn't eat anyone. But I wanted to. If I hadn't been turned back, I'd have killed, I could feel the hunger."

Spike: "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Buffy: "It was good in a sense, it gave me a perspective I hadn't had before. Vampires are driven by their demons, which makes it all the more amazing that you changed, even before you got your soul back. I just wish I hadn't been such an ass to you. You were trying."

Spike: "Only because of you."

Buffy shifted back to the other train of thought. "So that's when you realized you loved me?" She was perplexed. He still seemed to hate her with a passion at the time.

Spike: "No. Not then. I ran off when the chip fired, then threw a bit of a tantrum in the graveyard over my latest defeat. I was determined to end the contest between us. That night, I had a dream, it seemed like it was part of the same day. You burst into my crypt, to stake me for my latest scheme. You said you were "done" and you should have "done this years ago." I told you, "do it, just bloody do it." One thing lead to another and we ended up kissing. Then I shot bolt-upright in bed asking God to not make it so. I knew I loved you."

Buffy: She looked at him. "That was six months before you actually told me you loved me though."

Spike: "I know. It wasn't easy, you didn't exactly treat me too well back then. Even when I'd helped you out. Did you wonder why I was helping you back then, before I said anything?"

Buffy thought about it. "I figured it was for cash, some other gain you could get, or out of boredom."

Spike: "Riley knew."

Buffy: "Huh?"

Spike: "He knew, before anyone else. He said you had trouble killing me, because I was harmless."

Buffy: "My job is to kill vampires. But sometimes...it's hard, or harder than other times. Some vampires are slavering beasts, you see them, you kill them. But some aren't, at least not completely. Sometimes before the instinct takes hold completely, they seem almost...human. The guy you sired when the First had control of you, we talked for over an hour. I sort of knew him from school. But then I had to dust him anyway, the evil gets the upper hand. I had trouble killing you because not everything you did was motivated out of a need to do evil. I didn't know you loved me, but I should have figured something was up when you started helping me. I'm a bit of a dunce, come to think of it. Dawn clued-in though"

Spike: "How is she?"

Buffy: "She's good, going to school. No boyfriends that I know of yet."

Spike: He chuckled. "I missed her, we had some good talks."

Buffy: "She'll be happy to see you."

Buffy stayed quiet for a few seconds.

Buffy: "Spike, if we're going to be together, I don't want secrets, unspoken thoughts. I lost two boyfriends before because of it. I can't lose you."

Spike: "I promise, no secrets, no tricks."

He tousled her hair, he'd always loved it.

Suddenly, Buffy had a thought. "Spike, would you have any problem working for the Council?"

Spike: "The Watcher's Council? I didn't think you and they were on speaking terms."

Buffy: "It's different now. Giles helped rebuild them after Caleb blew them up now they're different, they do things differently."

Buffy: She hesitated. "I'm asking because they pay me now."

Spike: "They PAY you now?!" Spike was surprised, to say the least.

Buffy: "The way Giles broached the subject was that I was providing a service, the Council members get paid, so should I. Honestly, the idea of doing menial jobs for the rest of my admittedly might be short life life didn't have much appeal."

Spike considered it.

Buffy: "Would you?"

Spike: "If it means working you love, I'm in."

Buffy: "Good!"

Spike: "So how much do they pay?" She playfully pushed him down on the bed.

Buffy: "A lot better than the Double Meat Palace."

It was still dark, and raining. Buffy wrapped herself around Spike, luxuriating in the feel. She was tired, and slowly closing her eyes.

Buffy: "I love you." It felt natural to say it, very right.

Spike: "Sleep, let me watch you fall asleep."

Buffy smiled and drifted off, contented.

In the morning, Buffy woke up around 9:00am. She had been pretty exhausted from the battle, (the sex) and annoyingly, her right leg still hurt.

She looked down at Spike who was sleeping fitfully. She carefully kissed his forehead and went upstairs. Willow and Dawn were in the kitchen.

Willow: "Morning, Buffy." She smiled.

Buffy: "Shouldn't you be at school already?" She asked Dawn.

Dawn: "It was a long night."

Buffy: "Yeah, it was." She agreed, smiling inwardly.

Willow: "So...how is Spike, I noticed you came from downstairs."

Buffy: "He's fine. We worked out some things."

Dawn: "I'll bet." Buffy gave her a look. Then looked down and smiled.

Willow: "I'm glad you're glad he's back."

Dawn: "So am I." She went upstairs to get ready for school.

Xander walked into the kitchen. "So where's Captain Peroxide?"

Buffy: "Downstairs. Was that white noise thingy yours?"

Xander: "Nice subject change."

Willow: "Xander..." Xander knew that tone, and shut up.

Buffy: "Xander, Spike is going to stay here. I want you to be OK with that."

Xander: "I still don't like him, and I don't know how he came back. But if it makes you happy, then I'm happy."

Buffy: "Thank you, your opinion means a lot to me."

Willow put some pancakes in front of Buffy. Buffy started to eat them, realizing she was hungry.

Buffy, her mouth half full, said; "I'll pick-up some blood from the butcher's for Spike. I have to ask him if he prefers pig, cow, sheep."

Willow: "Angel called."

Buffy: "How is he? How's Gunn?"

Willow: "He's OK, Gunn's in hospital but he's going to be fine. Angel said he was going to drop in on him later in the morning. They're staying at the Belmont Hotel. Angel's arranging for a new headquarters for their detective firm. Buffy, Wesley was killed, in the battle."

Buffy looked shocked. "Oh my God." She looked sadly at Willow.

Willow: "Angel's making arrangements to fly him home, Giles will break the news to his parents and family. They have to keep it mostly quiet, because of security rules. We can't go to the funeral, it would raise too many questions."

Buffy: "Why, for all they know, Wesley was just here in the U.S. as a teacher on an exchange?"

Willow: "Their security service won't allow it. Apparently, they barely OK'd the private funeral."

Buffy considered it. "I call Angel and offer our condolences. We can send some flowers anyway."

She finished and said: "Will, have a good day at school."

She headed downstairs to see Spike.

He was dressed, having showered in the en suite bath.

Buffy: "I'm sorry about Wes. Willow told me."

Spike: "Yeah, he was OK, turned out to be a brave man. But I think losing Fred effected him a lot."

Buffy: "I know how he felt." Buffy remarked.

Spike gave her a "sorry" look.

Buffy: "I'm going out to get you blood, what kind do you like these days?"

Spike: "Pig's is fine. Oh, some Weetabix too if you can."

Buffy: "Weetabix?" She asked incredulously.

Spike: "Yeah, you mix it in the blood, gives it some texture."

Buffy: "I've always meant to ask, how can you drink and eat things other than blood? Your the only vampire I know who does that."

Spike: "I don't know, exactly. Blood's the most important thing, but I can taste foods, feel them. Alcohol still tastes good." He smiled, remembering Buffy's drinking bout a long time ago.

Buffy smirked. Time was, she'd have frowned on hearing about a vampire's diet. Now it didn't bother her. "OK, whatever you like."

Spike stepped up and kissed her deeply. "I like this." She returned the kiss. They parted. She had to keep from pushing him back onto the bed and going for another round. Her libido had ticked up a few notches in the past few hours. It felt good, but distracting.

Spike smiled. "Hurry back."

Buffy: "I will."

Buffy walked to the local store. Luckily, though they were in L.A., they were close to a mall so she could avoid driving, one of her pet peeves, something she'd never really mastered. Perhaps she'd get a car now she could afford to drive, but she still preferred walking.

She went into the local chain grocery store, got some things including the Weetabix, then decided to go to the local speciality butcher shop for the blood. She wanted it to be as high quality as possible. Then she went home.

She called Giles in London and broached the idea of Spike being employed like she was, as a demon and vampire fighter for the Watcher's Council. Giles almost choked at first hearing it, but relented when Buffy made noises about going her own way. He knew she wasn't really forcing him, but he also knew she expected he'd do right by her at least and see Spike got his position. It would be done in a few days. She thanked him and asked when he was going to come to L.A. He said he'd be down next week, he had some information for her. This intrigued her, but she figured he'd tell her all about it when he arrived.

Buffy: "Here's some blood and cereal. I didn't know exactly how you...mixed it." She handed him a tray with coffee, cream, sugar, the cereal and the blood in a large glass, and there was a bowl there.

She set it down on the night table. He looked at her and smiled. "Thank you."

He was still smiling at her.

Buffy: She smiled back and said, "What?"

He grabbed her and twisted her down onto the bed. She yelped happily. They kissed and she whispered, "Eat, you need your strength, you get to patrol with me tonight. You are officially, or you will be a few days, a member of the Council."

Spike: "What, me a bloody Watcher?!"

Buffy: She laughed. "No! Like me, a Slayer, er, no, an agent."

Spike: "Thank God. I don't look great in tweed." Buffy smiled. He stroked her hair.

They sat up, Spike poured the blood on the cereal and began to eat. Buffy was no longer disgusted by it, as she was when she'd originally fed him, years ago. To her, it was just sustenance for him, like any food. As long as it came from animals and not people.

Buffy: "Spike, obviously, you can choose now, stay here, with me, or get your own place."

Spike: He'd finished eating and he was drinking the coffee. "What do you want, Slayer?"

Buffy: She didn't hesitate. "I'd like you to stay here with us."

Spike: While he was glad to hear this, he wasn't sure how it would play with the others. "And the others, Xander, what's his take on this?"

Buffy: "Guess."

Spike: "I think I can."

Buffy: "Don't worry about it. We've been together before, in tighter circumstances. This will work." At this point, she was tired of thinking about everyone else. This is what she wanted.

Spike: "We'll barring stakings, I think it'll be nice."

Buffy: "No one's going to stake you."

Buffy spent the day doing household chores, Spike helped, it was domestic, and kind of comfortable. She was surprised. When Willow, Dawn and Xander were home, Buffy told them Spike was going to be living with them. Xander was understandably annoyed with it, but he'd have to live with it and for her, he would. Later that night, Buffy and Spike went patrolling to the local cemetery. I was several times the size of the one Buffy used to patrol in Sunnydale.

Spike: "Something wrong with your leg Buffy?" Buffy was limping slightly.

Buffy: "It's weird, it's still hurting from the battle with Angel. I usually heal up in a couple days."

Spike: "Do you want to go back?"

Buffy: "No," She said matter-of-factly, "I'll be fine." Spike still worried.

As they rounded a large mausoleum-style crypt, Buffy's senses started to twinge, she was picking up on a vampire, newly released from the Earth. He attacked from above, jumping from the crypt roof onto Buffy, who easily threw him off. He growled and lunged at her again. Spike hit him in the side of the head as he passed, knocking him sideways, off his feet. Buffy went to go down on her knees to stake him, when he sprung around and his leg connected with hers. She head the bone crack as his leg hit hers, she immediately went down, letting out a yell as she did from the pain. Spike, seeing this happen, immediately lunged at him, hitting him twice in the face, knocking him backwards. He then staked him, the vampire turning to a cloud of dust.

Buffy was sitting sideways, holding her leg. "Buffy!" Spike ran up to her, not quite knowing how to hold her. Buffy was clearly in pain. "He broke my leg!" She was astonished. This had never happened before. As a slayer, her bone structure was different than a normal person's. The outer bone was denser and more elastic than normal, able to take hits that would normally crush a normal person's limbs. The inner bone was stronger than normal as well. But it was broken.

Spike: "Where's the nearest emergency?" He put his arm under her knees and one around her back and lifted her easily.

Buffy: "Spike, I can walk, you can-"

Spike: "No, where is the nearest emergency?"

Buffy: She winced at the pain. "Uh, about three blocks down, south."

Spike ran with her to the cemetery gate exit. They hailed a cab which took them the three blocks to the hospital. Spike was a bit frantic, but Buffy said she was OK, though the pain was pretty bad. Spike called the house and Willow answered. She, Dawn and Xander would be there asap.

Doctor: "Well, we have to get an xray, then set the leg. We aren't too busy tonight so it should be pretty quick." Which in emergency room talk could mean several hours.

Doctor: "How did this happen?"

Spike: "I, er..."

Buffy: "We went for a walk in the cemetery and I snagged my foot in a gopher hole, I fell over and my shin hit a gravestone."

Doctor: "Ouch. That'll teach you to walk at night in a place without lights."

You could tell he kind of doubted her story, but he let it ride.

Buffy: "Well, I like to live on the edge." She joked, but didn't really joke.

Willow, Dawn and Xander arrived and they waited with Spike in the waiting room of the emergency department. Buffy had been taken to xray.

Xander: "How did this happen?" With his usual accusatory stare at Spike.

Spike: "We were tousling with a vamp, he hit her leg with a kick."

Xander: "Where were you?" Spike ignored the tone.

Spike: "I staked him."

Xander: "After the fact."

Spike: "Yeah." with sarcasm.

Willow: "Lets just wait and see how she is." She was holding Dawn's hand.

A while later they wheeled Buffy into a room and the gang joined her.

Willow: "Buffy!"

Dawn kissed her and they hugged. Willow hugged her, Xander hugged her. Spike kissed her on the lips, much to Xander's annoyance.

Buffy: "It's OK Will, it had to happen sooner or later. My luck kind of ran out. Hey, at least I'm not dead!"

Willow: "Don't even joke about that!"

Buffy: "Sorry."

The doctor came in. "Buffy, I'll be back in a bit, I have to consult with the radiologist on the brake."

Buffy: "Thanks."

Buffy: "Great, now I'll be chasing vampires around on crutches."

Xander: "We'll take patrols, you get to heal. Hey, think of it as a vacation, you've never had one before."

Willow: "Yeah!"

Buffy: "Do the words, "stir crazy" mean anything to you all?"

Dawn smiled. "Maybe you could get a motorized wheelchair and chase the vamps with it?"

Buffy: "Oh yeah, picture me with motorized transport of any kind." She winced, the brake was hurting.

Willow: "Buff, can I get you anything, a drink?"

Buffy: "No, thanks Will, I'm OK, but if you (she indicated them all) want to go get something, go ahead. It'll probably be another hour till I hear back from the doctor." She was already getting antsy in this place.

They went and got drinks. Spike stayed with her, glad to be alone, they kissed.

The gang came back to the room Buffy was in. Xander clearing his throat to break up the Buffy-Spike clutch.

The doctor came back a while later, but something was up.

Doctor: He sat down next to the bed she was in. "Buffy, I was just conferring with the radiologist. We found something on the xrays of the brake. There is an anomaly at the brake site. I need to do a biopsy.

The group's blood ran cold in unison. Spike's eyes went wide.

Buffy's reaction was somewhat like shock. "Uh, w-why, what do you think it is?"

Doctor: "We don't know yet, we have to do the biopsy to see. First, we need to do a CT scan of the site. Don't worry. I just need you to sign off on it and the biopsy." He smiled. Doctor's often had to be salespeople, convincing their patients to do what was right.

Doctor: "We have one of the best orthopaedic oncologists on-staff, her name is Elsa, she'll do the biopsy." He meant to be reassuring, but what he really meant was you needed this kind of expertise to avoid eventual amputation of the limb due to an improperly done biopsy.

Buffy, recognizing the term, "oncology" was not reassured. She was in a bit of a daze and signed the form. The others were in shock, but Willow tried to control her fear, attempting to comfort Buffy. "Don't worry, Buff, you're the Slayer, the bane of doctors everywhere."

Doctor: "Slayer?"

Willow: "Oh, just a nickname, she doesn't get sick often."

Doctor: "We'll do the scan and biopsy right away, then we should have the test results pretty quickly. I'll have a nurse come in an give you something for the brake pain. If the rest of you could leave the room, we have to prep Buffy for the procedure."

They all left, Willow assuring the frightened Buffy not to worry. "Small chance there," thought Buffy.

Three hours elapsed. They waited in the waiting room of emergency. Spike was fixated on starting at the same magazine he'd been leafing through for the last two hours. Xander paced some. Willow had her arm around Dawn, and stroked her head. Kennedy had arrived, having been called by Willow. She felt out of place, sensing the incredibly strong bond they all had, but she stayed.

The doctor had watched the biopsy and the oncologist had suggested they do a full body CT. Buffy signed yet another form. She was wheeled back to her room (she had been admitted) and the gang joined her.

Two more hours later, the oncologist came in. Her name was Elsa Bilstein.

Doctor: "Buffy, I'd like to discuss what we've found, would you like to ask your friends and your sister to wait outside?"

Buffy: "No, they're OK to stay."

Doctor: "Al right. Buffy, the biopsy revealed an osteosarcoma in the tibia bone of your leg. It was responsible for weakening the bone, which is likely why it broke when hit." The shock hit Buffy like a punch. "Also, we found additional tumours widespread in the body, one in the right lung, the liver, and pancreas. There are others in various areas, the body scan picked them up. I'm sorry, but most of them are inoperable. We can try chemo and radiation, but the prognosis is very poor. I'm very sorry."

Buffy: In complete shock, attempted to clear her head. "How long do you think..?"

Doctor: "As it is, a few weeks. With radiation and chemo, you might be able to stretch it out for a couple months, but in all honesty, your quality of life would be compromised. I think the best thing would be to try to make the most of the time you have left but it's whatever you would like."

Buffy: "How do you think this happened? I'm only 21."

Doctor: "This kind of rapidly growing, aggressive, systemic cancer can attack at any age, we don't know why it does yet. Genetics, chemical contamination of the body, we just aren't there with our knowledge yet."

Buffy absorbed this. She always figured she'd die young, but from slaying, not from some disease. Dawn ran up to her and started crying, her head on Buffy's chest. Buffy stroked her hair and tried to sooth her. The rest of them were in various stages of shock.

Buffy: "But I felt fine up until the leg pain, I had it before I broke it." She was trying in her mind to rationalize that this couldn't be true.

Doctor: "Sometimes people don't notice things like this until it's progressed."

Buffy: "If I had felt something, earlier, could...?

Doctor: "In my opinion, the cancer spread very fast, so I don't think you'd have had much warning. Your body has a very high metabolic rate, I noticed from the tests, this often helps spread the cancer faster. We only caught it now because of the leg."

Buffy though, "So my body helped kill me quicker? Very nice."

Dawn had stopped crying, she lifted her head up and backed off Buffy and stood next to her. Buffy held her hand. Dawn was gripping Buffy's hand tightly, like letting go would be "letting go for good."

Doctor: "Buffy, I'll leave you with your family and friends to discuss what you want to do."

Buffy: "Thanks, Dr." The doctor left.

Buffy: "Well, we knew the slayer's life would be nasty, brutish and short. I was kind of hoping to die in battle."

Dawn: "Please don't joke about this."

Buffy: "I'm not, really." She considered what she'd done to this point in her life. She guessed that was a normal reaction.

Buffy: "So, I'm for going home." She looked around. Spike looked awful. She smiled a sad smile at him.

Xander: "Buffy, you can't give up, you should take the treatment."

Buffy: "And end up looking like a 70lb Yul Brynner?" Bad taste, Brynner had died of cancer from smoking. He'd even done ads telling people to stop smoking before he died.

Willow: "Don't say that!" She was on the verge of tears.

Buffy: "Come here." Willow ran over to her and hugged her tightly, crying softly. "I love you, so much."

Buffy: "I can't go out like that. I may be the slayer, but I'm too chicken to go through that. I'd rather it be peaceful, and I'd rather go with my perfect hair intact." She joked.

Spike's mind was going a mile a minute. He wanted revenge for this, for the someone or something that did this to Buffy. But in this case, there was nothing to blame.

Buffy called for the doctor again, She'd resolved to go home. The rest of them fell into line behind her decision. They set her leg, but it was unlikely to completely heal in the time she had left. The doctor gave her pain meds, told her about hospice care, but they would take care of her. She's was also told that when the pain got too great for the pills, they would set-up a morphine intravenous drip at her home. Buffy had put up with a lot of pain in her life, being shot with bullets and arrows, stabbed, clubbed, but chronic pain she was not used to. The meds would be welcomed.

Giles arrived the day after. She cried when they met, thinking inwardly that she was letting him down. He sensed this and told her she was the only thing in his life that made him really proud. She knew he loved her like his daughter and she detested putting him through what all watchers go through, eventually.

For the first few days, she didn't feel much worse. It was a problem getting around, she had a wheelchair, powered and it was kind of fun to drive it. But little by little, the effects of the disease set-in. Her appetite was ebbing. She subsisted mostly on high nutrient drinks, because regular food made her nauseous. In the first week she lost 6lbs. She never had a high body fat content and it showed when she lost the weight.

Dawn had come down with a flu, but it was likely psychosomatic, she didn't feel like going to school, or doing anything. Buffy's increasingly gaunt appearance just made her feel worse. Buffy asked Willow and Kennedy to take Dawn out to try to cheer her up. They did, but it didn't work. None of them could be happy, dreading what was coming. It was easier when Buffy died fighting Glory, it was quick. This was torture.

Buffy did like one thing, she got to take long baths now, whereas before it was only showers. It gave her time to think and relax, something she'd not done very often in her life. But she missed slaying. The pain was growing worse. She'd lost 15lbs off her formerly 120lb frame. Not long now, she figured.

It was late, after 10:00pm. Spike and the others had patrolled, they staked on vamp, Buffy would be interested, she didn't like the fact she could no longer slay, but the job still had to be done. There would be a new slayer soon enough.

Angel had come to visit, he offered to stay, to help with the slaying, but Buffy had rebuffed him, not want to force Spike and him to work together.

The others went home, Spike stayed on in the graveyard, saying he had to be alone for awhile. At this point, even Xander had reconciled himself to the fact Buffy and Spike would be together until the end, and he wanted whatever would make Buffy happiest in her remaining time.

Spike walked into the church, the doors still open for the odd transient who needed to sack out. There were two people in the front pews. Spike walked up to them, then turned on his vampire face.

"I need to be alone." He said menacingly.

They didn't need any encouragement, they ran out the door.

Spike's face returned to human. He paced up and down before the altar.

Then he knelt down in front of the altar and spoke.

"I've never asked for anything, and I know I've done more evil than I can ever atone for, but she hasn't!" His voice rose. "Whoever is in-charge, I'm asking you to let her live, she doesn't deserve this! She's dedicated her LIFE to saving human lives. She's saved the bleeding World more than once, she DESERVES SOME CONSIDERATION FOR THIS! IF ANYONE'S EARNED A RIGHT TO LIVE, IT'S HER!!"

The church was silent. He knew this wouldn't accomplish anything, but he had felt compelled to complain. Yes, it was partly selfish, he knew that, he didn't want to be in a world without her. But, he truly felt she'd been dealt with unfairly by the fates and she deserved to survive. He sighed, even though he didn't breath and left. He was still angry.

When Spike got home, they were all in the living room, watching TV. He was slightly annoyed none of them were watching her.

Giles: "Spike, she's asleep, she's weaker tonight."

Spike: "Someone should be with her!"

Dawn got up and ran upstairs. The rest watched after her. Spike followed her up.

Dawn looking carefully into Buffy's room. She could just see in the dark Buffy's now-drawn face, her closed in sleep but sunken in the sockets. Her breathing was laboured, partly because of the increased morphine drip going into her to control the pain. Spike stood behind her, looking at his lover, knowing he would soon be alone again. His anger continued to grow, but he controlled it in front of Dawn.

Dawn closed the door and walked to her room. She sat down on the bed, looking down. Spike stood in the doorway. He then came and sat down next to her.

Dawn: "I don't want to do it."

Spike: "Don't want to do what?"

Dawn: "Be here without her, again."

Spike: "Neither do I. But she'd want us to be here. Someone has to carry on." He knew he didn't really feel that way, he was too angry. She sensed this.

Dawn looked up at him. "Spike, I'm not going to stay here if she isn't here."

Spike was shocked. "Dawn, don't say that! Do you know what Buffy would say if she heard that?

Dawn: "I can't be alone again, not like that. I need her. She's more than my sister. Those monks made me out of her. We're linked."

Spike: "You won't be alone, you'll have all of us."

Dawn: "Aren't you listening? It's not the same!" Dawn was angry too.

Dawn: She started crying, leaned into Spike who held her tightly. "It's not the same!"

They turned into bed around 1:00a.m., exhausted emotionally, they fell heavily asleep. Except Spike. He sat in his room, getting madder. Why is this so-called world run seemingly for the benefit of evil? Good people die for NOTHING, while evil continues to flourish. Buffy was dying. Every time he said the words to himself, his agitation grew, and his anger grew. If he could exchange his life, or non-life for Buffy, he would.

He paced for a bit, there was a semi-direct piping of the heating vent system that lead from his basement room to Buffy's and he'd been listening with his vampire hearing to her breathing, it was irregular and shallow. He was sure it was getting shallower. She didn't deserve to go out this way. She was a warrior and a fighter. She deserved better. When he thought of Dawn, it make him madder still.

There was a mirror in his room, he hadn't removed it yet. He looked at it, at the lack of reflection in it. "I get to stay, she gets to die." He drew back and let fly with his fist, sending it through the mirror, which exploded, an inch into the concrete. He'd broken two of his knuckles, and the blow, if a human could have delivered it, would have pulverized that human's hand. His would heal, within a few days, like it always did.

He stared down at the torn skin, the blood coursing over the broken knuckles and at that point, a sudden calmness enveloped him. He moved, in sock feet, quietly but swiftly, out of his room, up the flights of stairs and into Buffy's bedroom. He looked at his love, laying in bed, breathing laboured, drawn and gaunt against the pillow. His love for her was as it had always been, overwhelming, but now the prospect of really losing her was too great to bear.

He turned around and fixed his gaze on the dresser. It was an old one, that had belonged to Buffy's mother. About 8 feet long and very heavy, especially filled with a lot of junk. About 400lbs, he guessed. He walked over to it, and silently grasped it front to back, lifting it up and carrying it over to her bedroom door. He placed it quietly against the door. He turned to Buffy.

Buffy, her slayer senses telling her to wake up, woke up. She smiled when she saw Spike.

Buffy: "Hi. Are you OK?" She was somewhat dazed by the morphine. She sat up and winced, even with the morphine, the pain was now too strong.

Spike came and sat down beside her.

Spike: "Buffy, how do you feel?"

Buffy: He was oddly business-like. "Uh, OK, a little dizzy. I'm having a bit of trouble breathing."

Spike: "Tell me how you feel." He was more insistent this time.

Buffy: Wondering what was making him act odd. She figured he was upset. "Spike, I'm OK, I'm good with this. It isn't so bad, I've done my part." She smiled reassuringly at him.

Spike grabbed her shoulders, lifting her somewhat off the bed. "You TELL me how you feel!"

Buffy: Her smile faded, the corners of her mouth turned down. She sobbed as she said, "I don't want to die! I don't want to lose you all."

Spike: "That's what I thought." He yanked the morphine drip out of her arm. He immediately turned into his vampire visage, Buffy's eyes went wide and he growled as lunged forward and sank his teeth into her neck. She inhaled sharply as his teeth cut in and her blood began to drain. He drank her blood quickly, the power of it suffusing him the way pig's blood and even normal human blood couldn't, it was an amazing feeling. He knew precisely when to stop, he'd done this before enough times. Her heart rate was very low and she appeared to pass out. He slapped her across the face, to bring her around. She looked at him, comprehension dawning on her features, he saw no resistance.

Spike: In a deep voice he growled, "Slayer, yes or no?"

Buffy: She looked at him with a half-smile of resignation and said, "yes."

He held his wrist up to his mouth and slashed across the veins with his teeth. The blood poured forth and he looked at her. She weakly nodded and he put his wrist to her lips. She drank deeply, she'd done this once before with Dracula, but Spike was her love and she willingly drank, because she trusted him.

After a minute, she stopped, looked at him, and passed out. He gently lowered her onto the pillow. He felt her pulse. There was none. He felt her heartbeat. It had dropped to less than 8 beats a minute and was getting slower. He leaned down, and said softly into her ear, "Whatever happens, I love you."

He jumped up and ran to her dresser, opening drawers quickly, looking for something, Nothing! He looked at the curtains. They had sashes! He undid them. He used a pair of scissors to cut the sashes in four pieces, then doubled them up and tied her arms and legs to the bed posts. Then he waited.

After about 10 minutes, she jerked a couple of times, not awakening. He put his ear to her heart. It had stopped. That's when he heard the yell, coming Willow's room.

Willow sat bolt upright in bed. Kennedy was already sitting up, a powerful glow emanating from her torso.

Kennedy: "Willow, what's happening?!"

Giles, Dawn and Xander ran into Willow's room. Giles saw the glow and then his heart sank. He knew what it meant. All he said to Willow and Kennedy was "It's alright, don't worry," then he ran to Buffy's room, Xander and Dawn in pursuit. Then Willow clued-in. Kennedy had been called as a slayer, which meant...Buffy!

Giles twisted the door handle, the door moved in a half inch and stopped. Giles banged the door against the obstruction, it didn't budge. "What he Hell?!" he thought.

Dawn: "Giles, what's happening?!" Xander looked at him. Then he realized. Dawn looked back at Willow's room, the glow was fading, but she knew then what it meant, Kennedy had been "called" which mean Buffy was dead!!

Dawn: "No, no, no..." She sank down to the floor. Xander grabbed her. Giles was still banging against the door. Then, the door started to make headway, the obstruction was moving.

Spike lifted the dresser back into position as Giles burst into the room. Xander held Dawn and they came in, followed by Willow and a wobbly Kennedy.

Giles saw Buffy, tied to the bedposts. Xander looked at Spike. They where all wide-eyed.

Giles: "Spike, what-?"

Then Spike spoke, calmly and clearly: "Willow, you need to get into full Wiccan mode. Giles, Xander, Dawn, Kennedy, start cracking the books or computers, whatever. You've all got a job to do and you need to do them FAST, especially you, Willow." He continued,

"Willow, you need to find out how fast you can in-soul someone. Giles, Xander, Dawn and Kennedy, your job will take a bit longer. You need to find out if there is another Gem of Amara, where it is and how to get it, and failing that, how you can replicate it."

Spike: "When she wakes up, NO ONE pay attention to what she says, do you all understand? If you don't do your jobs, we are in very big trouble."

The full impact of what was happening hadn't dawned on them until the last second. Giles was astonished.

Giles: "Spike, how could you do this? After all you've been through together?" Spike looked at him impassively.

Xander: "You son of a Bitch!" He swung and attempted to hit Spike square in the jaw, but Spike more or less expected something like this. He didn't blink, he grabbed Xander's fist and it stopped dead. He simply said, "We haven't got time for this."

Willow was alarmed, Dawn was still confused, and Kennedy was still in shock.

Giles glanced at a stake from a pile of them on Buffy's bureau. Spike knew what he was thinking. "You wouldn't get 3 feet." He stated calmly. Giles looked at him.

They were all staring at each other when Buffy stirred. They turned to her. The gaunt visage was gone, replaced with a healthy-looking though paler Buffy.

She opened her eyes, blinking back the light from the ceiling. They watched her carefully.

She tilted her head upward and looked at them. "Hi everyone?" She seemed a bit confused, then realization dawned. "Oh."

Spike: "Just remember, whatever she says, she doesn't mean it. Whatever horrible things that come out of her mouth, it isn't her talking."

Buffy: "I love you." She was looking at Spike.

Spike: "You see, just igno- what?" He was perplexed.

Buffy: "Thank you."

Giles: "It could be a trick."

Spike: He looked at her. "She means it." He said in wonder.

Willow: "Giles..."

Giles: "Willow, I believe you have a spell."

Willow: Excitedly, "Wait, just a second!" She ran off to her room.

They continued to look at Buffy, who lay there bemused. She felt good, for the first time in weeks.

Willow came running back in. "I've got it!" She incanted some Latin words, then a blue aura appeared around Buffy's body.

Buffy: "Wow! I'm radioactive!"

Willow was elated, but still wondering what it would all mean.

Giles: "She has a soul."

Spike: "How?"

Giles: "I've no idea."

Spike fleetingly thought about his prayer in the church, but didn't want to tempt fate by dwelling on it.

Spike: "Thank God."

Xander: "No thanks to you!" Spike glared but didn't say anything.

Dawn ran to Buffy and hugged her, Buffy couldn't hug her back though, because of the ropes that still secured her.

Dawn: "You're kind of...chilled."

Buffy: "I figured."

Giles: "And likely getting cooler by the minute. Spike, untie her."

Buffy: "That's OK" She told Dawn to stand back. She felt incredible strength coursing though her. She broke the ropes like they were string, they gave with bull whip-like cracks.

Spike: "Wow!"

Giles: "Slayer strength mixed with a vampire's. Unprecedented."

Xander: "Will someone please explain this? Now what?"

The sun had risen and was glancing in through a slit in the curtains.

Buffy: "Lets see how this works out." She put her hand into the beam, it immediately started to smoke and she yanked it back. "Oww! Shoot! Oh well, one out of two."

Willow: "Well, we still have work to do then."

Buffy: "Giles, you have another pupil." Looking at Kennedy who was still in shock and faintly glowing.

Giles: "Oh, Yes, that makes three slayers alive in the world now. Or actually, two alive." He quipped.

Buffy: "Very funny."

Xander: "So your like him, a creature of the night. Like I said, now what? What's going to happen?"

Buffy: "Giles?"

Giles: "Uh, yes, um, well, Buffy has to feed once more, from a human. To sustain the change."

Buffy eyes went wide.

Giles: "Uh, not a lot, just a pint or so. We have the I.V. set-up, we can reverse the device, draw a pint from one of us and infuse Buffy."

Buffy: "Wow, I've only been a vamp for an hour and I'll have my first victim."

They stared at her with chagrin.

Buffy: "I'm just kidding..."

They all wanted to donate, but they drew straws to be fair. Willow won, much to Xander's chagrin.

Willow: She looked at Buffy. "I don't want it drawn, I want it taken."

Buffy: "What?"

Willow: "You heard me."

Buffy: "Will..."

Giles: "Willow..."

Willow looked at Giles. Giles suggested that they leave Buffy and Willow alone to discuss it. Buffy held Spike's hands and smiled to which Spike replied, "You welcome, love." She kissed him and they left the room.

Buffy: "Will, you don't really want me to...?"

Willow: "Yes, I do. Buffy, I love you, you're the best friend I could have hoped to have. If I'd never met you, my life would have been, it would have been...dull, maybe even meaningless. You saved me from myself, you gave me a life I could never made by myself. I want this to be intimate."

Buffy: "I love you too Will, if I didn't have you, I'd don't know what would have happened to me." She looked at Willow and sighed with resignation. Buffy she knew was resolved. "I'll try and be gentle. I'm new to this."

Willow: She smiled and said, "Just don't make this a habit."

Buffy: "Or I'd have to stake myself!"

Buffy undid the top three buttons of Willow's night shirt and carefully drew back the fabric to bare her neck. Willow brushed back her hair and tilted her neck to Buffy. Buffy's face changed, her features shifted into vampire visage. Willow had seen Buffy like this before, a long time ago and she thought, "She really doesn't look that bad." Buffy carefully leaned in and quickly but gently sunk her teeth into Willow's neck, then began sucking the life-giving fluid. Willow's eyes closed and she felt her stomach quiver and her legs go weak. Buffy supported her with her arm around Willow's upper back. The flow of liquid was like fire going into her mouth, she finally understand why vampires, why she, was insatiably drawn to this. She pressed Willow closer to her and felt the heat Willow's heat against her now-cool body. Willow shivered at the touch, but it felt good.

After what she estimated was a pint's worth of blood drunk, Buffy released her grip and slowly backed off, her face changing back. She looked at Willow and Willow looked at her.

Buffy: "Did it hurt?" She timidly asked.

Willow: "No, it was like, pain for a second, then kind of nice."

Buffy: "Thank you for doing this for me."

Willow was tingling all over, there was no pain at the bite site, only a numbness. No bleeding, as the coagulation had started at the two puncture marks.

Willow: "Uh, it was my pleasure." She wasn't kidding.

Buffy: "Shall we join the others?"

Willow: "Yeah, I'm kind of light-headed and...hungry. You didn't turn me, did you?"

Buffy, supporting Willow by the arm said: "Uh ha! No, it's just like giving blood, you need sugar."

Willow: "How about a Mocha?"

Buffy: "We have the mix!"

Willow: She looked at her best friend. Nothing much had changed. Willow was Willow and Buffy was still Buffy. Willow smiled. "Buff, I'm glad you're staying."

Buffy: "It's good to be here, Will"

They went downstairs to join the others.

-------------END-----------------------------------


End file.
